Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Present Tense - 11/20


Jessica continues to struggle, but not as much.  Still anxious and full of fear.  She can't sit still for any length of time and can't relax.  She is in the phase of feeling bad where she questions every choice she has ever made.  I try to tell her that she did the best she could, and anyway, there is no going back.  Nothing really helps.  I really want her to go to a counselor, but she won’t.  The only time she has is when it was ordered as part of her release from in patient care at the hospital.  The only help she gets is an alternative therapy called Body Talk (which I think is a load of crap - all placebo effect when it has positive results at all).  It is selfish of me, but I get so tired of this life.  I want to have a normal life with friends to things with.  We’ve lost most of our friends as her illness has gotten worse.  I shouldn’t complain.  Some days I just want to go back to the life we had.  Most days I’m okay with that not being possible.  Today I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  I will snap out of it, it just sucks when you are in it.

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